Day 1: Star, Nine of Pentacles, Sun

On my first day, I chose 3 cards based on what appealed to me as I looked through my new deck. Since I’m doing this to get to know myself better, not to forecast the future, it feels honest to my intent.

Star

I love this card! It is pure encouragement to me. A message from the universe that reflecting on my journey will serve me well. Its traditional meaning is about new opportunities and trusting yourself to go for them. Right now, I’m working hard to act on opportunities in my personal writing, the lit community, and work… and while it’s a lot, I feel really lucky that I’m getting the chances that I have worked for my whole life. It’s a “when it rains, it pours” time in my life, but with a shower of stars instead of rain!

I compared the watercolor illustration with the traditional one, and noticed that there is more movement in the stars because of the watercolor. There are spots of different sizes and hues because of the way the color moved. This signifies the movement in my own life towards my goals.

Nine of Pentacles

This card resonates strongly. It represents financial security and abundance. It has taken a long time to feel secure, and I am still working on believing that it will last. It’s not easy to feel safe after years of living paycheck to paycheck, wondering if what you do is worth anything. (Wow. I got emotional writing that out loud.) It takes the belief that I am secure in order to relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

I notice that the card uses a star in a circle as a symbol of whatever is important to me. The relationship to the star, my very first card on this journey, feels balanced. On that card, there are many stars I can reach for. On this card, there are many stars around me, that I have already earned. It is a reminder to appreciate what I have, even as I strive for more.

Sun

Light, focus, energy. When I meditate, I often feel sunlight glowing right above my forehead, and I imagine the golden light draping me in energy and hope and love. The Sun gives life.

When I study the card, I notice the child and the horse, which are both significant to me. I am writing a memoir from the perspective of a child, and I was born in the Year of the Horse in the Chinese zodiac. There is a strong connection between me and this card. And for years now, when I am bursting with joy, I have had a refrain in my head, I am a child of joy! I am a child of joy! How lucky am I??

When I read “The Querent” by Alexander Chee, he described the way his friend, Rachel Pollack, read Tarot. “She could stand and speak through the cards’ symbols in ways that reached past them, bringing out soulful depths and insights into the self and the world…”

That seemed like a lot for looking at cards, but leading myself through this exercise makes his description make more sense. Ultimately, the way I respond to things is a function of how I see the world. And so, Tarot is a beautiful way to hold a mirror up and look, one facet at a time, at the complex thing of how I fit into the world. I’m glad I decided to choose my first 3 cards face up. It is a statement of free will. I choose what defines me, and I am thrilled at the meanings within these cards.